The all important question still remains who the fuck am I ? . Does this mean I’ve more unravelling to do? . More investigating , more truth finding of who I can be and am. This is a fine question. I’ve had it said to me several times this year by people who have a good insight into life , ‘ Do what you love’ . Do what I love ?! Oh my word . Is this the answer to everything? , could well be.
I was having a telephone conversation with a friend of a friend this morning. The subject being about my sports, everyday life injuries, that for me seems to be reoccurring every time I excerpt myself in the world of personal fitness. Yep I’m pretty fed up with this. My new found friend of a friend is an expert in educating people how move through and around injuries. This conversation was truly inspiring and simply quite informative. What a lady.
Do what I love too was a statement that left this ladies mouth. Simply quite profound and it’s not new to my ears, this makes me certainly wonder what the hell am I doing and why is it taking me so long to do it. Well I guess I’ve always been a slow learner ?. Yes certainly something I discussed with my counsellor last Friday as I opened up completely about my childhood and the shit that went down there. These moments I wasn’t proud of, there’s certainly shit there that I didn’t like this about myself, hey it’s time to FORGIVE MYSELF and do it with LOVE .
To move on to and do what I love .. oow wee.. Well I said I love Line dancing, I could try and do more but maybe that’s not the answer. The answer possibly to LOVE ALL AND EVERYTHING ABOUT ME. . Cherish the very footsteps I make in this life. Be authentic, See myself as a good human being and smile more ?.
I’m still procrastinating a little bit , my aim is to move on with my own love. Not to berate myself which has been so easy to do over the years. The time is to love me, why not love myself? . It’s all about changing my inner dialogue.
All my friends can’t be wrong, they see something in me and I guess I try to put positive slant on most things, even when I feels crud inside.
It’s not all about that , my first goal is to rejoice in who I am. Start creating a healthier mindset of self loving kindness and words towards myself. This is something that’s been lacking for years and years and probably my entire life. I’ve probably never cherished myself in this way , though I’ve hit pockets of gold over the years. I’ve found moments of love, joy, and spirituality, it’s never stayed. It’s always been slight moments.There’s a connection missing in me but I’m not stressing about it, because I’m on a path once again . I think counselling has helped and I’m proud of myself for reaching out ..
Lovin you, lovin me
Positively me x
To be continued…
