Hello to you ,
( and sorry this has turned out to be a bit of my life story)
So hello again,
the gleaming you . The You that’s smiling this morning, this day whilst your taking in these few words.
Its early on this Boxing Day , my curtains are still closed though I’ve been up for a while. I’m currently watching “ Charlie St’ Cloud “ on Netflix. It’s a film on ‘ My List’. Yes one of my favourites. Before I got out of bed this morning, I had a urge to write. Although my thoughts were a little more stuck in the past during them moments. I’m not sure if I’m going to go there but my thoughts keep coming back to them . So I might have to express my thoughts. There is something I need to address and that’s making peace with someone from my past. A letter/card will be written and sent to this guy I fell out with or he fell out with me many years ago. We have briefly spoken an odd word but I’ve never made peace with him. This is going to be dealt with, a card will be sent to the wilds of Scotland where he lives now.
The other thing that’s been bugging me is , someone once said to me “ nothing is forever “ . ( meaning a relationship) For flips sake them 3 little words have plagued me for a long time. So what significance do I put on these words???.
Is it something I should keep in my arsenal of sayings??. Maybe It’s food for thought for my time with Gillian. Mmmm…
*(Maybe I ought to put the phrase in the blinking bin!😂😄
I’m trying also to remember NOT to speak or think the words ‘ should or ought ‘ . I’m forever ( there we go again!😂) being pulled by Gillian on them two little power depleting words. )
So let’s have a look. Mmmm. Well one person in my memory log who became Horrible to me in the end said “ nothing is forever “ in her case I’m blinking glad.* Her true colours came out and that was enough. I’m saying this now , I wasn’t at the time.
Maybe the words are there because they turned me into a person taking steps of life changing proportions . Yes it was a relationship break down . Yes we all have them . The difference with this one there was a child involved. A baby girl . This was a most distraught full time in my life. I guess I’m telling you this or I’m expressing or getting these memories out because they need to be aired . (I’m decluttering my brain so to speak.) especially after recent overloaded emotional times. Why the flip am I still thinking of it. Gee bloody whiz ! . I must have better things to think about. I certainly have more Loving things to think about than this Shit.
That was a real crappy time in my life and the loss lasted a couple of years. I began to get over the episode, though there were times I use to drive into town . Go shopping and stop and think , ‘ what am I shopping for? . Where have parked my car?. My mind was totally rung out. The mind is a powerful organ .I guess when it needs to shut down , it has to do it. These are strong memories and I guess , if truth be known the effects still run through my core . It doesn’t live with me daily .At the time , the sensations were bewildering. Numbing , tearful, totally being wiped out kind of thing. Loosing a relationship and a baby girl.. Was horrendous.
** This developed in totally a different avenue, one I didn’t expect and was harsh a few years later. And it’s possibly unresolved.
No I’m ok . * Honestly. I’m happy with my lot , I’m loving being able to write to you , being able explore who I am and learn and touch others and be touched with your words ! 🌟😄🤗.
Pity I didn’t know Gillian back then !. I just decided to put it all behind me for the sake of me and my health..
I found a job after driving myself forward into Market researching the possibilities of going self employed in the pond construction business. Guess who I spoke to ? . Yes my very own Stewart . Yes the Stewart I work with to this day!. Amazing hey ?!
✨Back to my mental health ✨
I didn’t go private in those days to talk to someone as couldn’t afford it. I went to something called ‘ Reach Out’. It was just a listening ear , which eventually in time turned into counselling by the head of psychology at the Hesketh Centre, Part of the NHS. I remember with ReachOut ,’ talking to a man named “ Eifion “ and thought that a strange name, then sitting in a basement flat in the bottom of a Victorian house in Manchester Road , Southport. At the time I thought what a waste of time, but it wasn’t. I was looking for answers.
This is where I began my journey of SELF DISCOVERY. With all sorts of Private Personal growth workshops . The classes consisted of Goal setting, assertiveness training ! ( difficult one 😄😂) , achieving confidence , – the role play situations were a little scary but hey ho I managed it. The classes where held by Eileen Lewison a personal growth teacher here in Southport and in Liverpool on a Saturday morning as part of The John Moore’s University. Golden memories and still bump into I guy ‘ Richard’ who I met all those years ago.Yes he lives in Tarleton Believe it or not. Splendid 🌟
Yes So I Love my journey, I love you being in it, if I’m helping you and I don’t if I am? It’s all to the good.
I guess the story is ; No matter how much shit you go through , you got to still keep going. Living a life with purpose. The pleasure in discovering who you are and developing skills even if you don’t know your doing it at the time- searching~ loving~ listening ~ giving.
Hells bells I’m doing some chatting here. Get a brew will you before you start shouting at me.!😄😂.
So after this mauling and life’s lesson I knew the time had come to learn who I was as a person. * This is were I was as a person, not fully developed I guess . Lessons in life hey!!! .
Hey I completely Believe I’m a stronger person for that sequence of mind nulling experiences, that came from a broken relationship.
I’m Glad i have no one in my life like this now. Your all blessings.
I truly believe I’m to see all that as a massive BLESSING.
The great tapestry of life hey.. I really love my life. Yes it can be tough but I am tough too. 😄🤗. Got to keep believing, got to keep acknowledging what I’ve achieved and how much love there is in my life. It’s immense.
It’s a magnificent blessing in my life . I can rejoice in this 🥰.
So YES SOMETHING IS FOREVER and it’s “Universal Love” 💖 🌟
I’m not letting my coffee go cold today.. back in a moment 😘.
I really don’t know why I’m telling you this.. Nobody needs to know. I guess it’s self therapy. Crikey this story is 30 years ago for flips sake.
Think I’ve said enough,
Hope your ok after reading this.
I’m okay, honestly I am. Life is life. Life is what you make it. There’s still plenty for me to achieve and I’m thirsty for it. At a steady pace I go. Learning again. Every day is a new day . As long as I’m learning and growing , having fun, trying to accept who I am, letting go and relaxing as much as I can. Loving and being loved.
Yes I still have a streak of negativity in me but hey one step at a time.
Rome wasn’t built in a day !😂😄.
Take Care My Dear Friends.
Shine like you’ve not shone before.
*edited ( 11am on Friday 27th December )
Yes I’m expecting to edit this 😂🌟
🌟All words written in my own experiences 🌟
Final complete first version finished 27th December time 12:55 am