Hello and welcome to a glimpse into my life as it is now.
Now being a time of re discovering my inner child and cherishing him. The little boy inside me. You may wonder what is this all about , you may say something like what is this crock of sh?t . Maybe you don’t understand or believe in the inner workings of ourselves.
?Until you are vulnerable and wanting something to change in your life , like you think something is missing or disconnected within yourself , nothing will change.
We have to really want it. To live in the land of discomfort, disharmony, To float along in life without TRULY loving yourself DEEP DOWN is pure torture and it’s not being true to yourself. I don’t think this is something one can tackle without professional guidance. I’ve started my journey within and I’m looking forward to the rewards and there will be some emotional challenges along the way. As I discussed with my counsellor, ‘ I have to climb the mountain with its zig zag trail to the summit and then I hope I can rejoice In view at the top. Appreciating my inner work and holding myself in higher regard and love than ever before. This means working through all the emotional baggage of my childhood and to how I feel today. Well it’s early days and I’m looking forward to it.?
For me it started again yesterday in my first in-depth one on one counselling session via video chat. Obviously starting again with a lady I’ve know for some years and lately over the last year or so I’ve been just checking in with once a month as a sort of keeping up with my positivity.
?Finding somewhere to park up in my van was a challenge, firstly needing place of quietness , somewhere where nobody is going to interrupt me and of course one needs internet connection. ??
I think lately I’ve had a kinda weird feeling of sort of mental breakdown almost. Not just mental but spiritual. This is life crushing, and I’m not quite sure on how to explain it other than a whirlpool of negativity. This is a bloody horrible place to live from. I think with all the repeated attempts of trying live a connected life of my own as well as trying to safe guard a quality life for my sister, situations have just spiralled out of control. Things had to change , I just couldn’t carry on masking my life as it was. So I’ve decided to act for my greater GOOD.