Gee it’s 3am this Tuesday morning and it’s so lovely outside,
it’s wet under foot but we have beautiful clear dark blue skies full of stars. Probably not as many as you’d see in the highlands or somewhere, but still beautiful.
Wheelie bin duties have me awake, 🤔😂. Oh my goodness have you ever tried to move a wheelie bin quietly? 🤫😁😂. It can’t be done , especially at 3 o’clock in the morning. Yes I forgot to put the bins out before I went to bed. Luckily only the cardboard bin is full, yep that’s a sign of Christmas coming up from all the deliveries my wife is ordering for the Grandkids especially.
So guys how’s your week been ? Have you just shone your stuff quietly? . Quietly and just got on with your daily activities, kid’s school homework, kids emotional issues? . Shopping daily probably, thinking of your own working life? , the cost of things this winter? . Internal stuff you may be going through? . Your own personal needs, caring for loved ones, vulnerable people, friends and family, Getting on with people? How’s life for you? . The list could go on. Winter could easily take a grip on you and shake you around like a rag doll.
Sometimes we have to boss our lives and take back control. This is my aim at the moment especially with my personal fitness and in the first time ever since I’ve been monitoring my weight whilst doing some sort of gym stuff I’ve gained weight on the second week consistently. Mmm.. it’s probably understandable with the shit I’ve put my body through emotionally over the last week or so. The feeling of ultra intense tension in my shoulder blades,, almost taking it to the edge, almost cracking emotionally. Having a heart is my biggest problem, I ought to be a mean bastard and that may solve a lot of my problems. Like it or lump it attitude. Maybe a middle ground is called for. And usually that’s my case, though sometimes like this time I was wiped out , maybe I’ve put myself this position for being to much of a nice guy. Fuck it I’m just gonna ease off myself and try to be me without the the hassle.
Oh gee… I’m starting to sneeze , this only means on thing.. Anyway the mean bastard that I ain’t. Well, yeah if I had been one in my past , I wouldn’t have met the gorgeous friends I have. So that’s a massive plus for not being one. Having a heart is so crushingly beautiful sometimes, people say to just be you or me.. Gee I might try that again. sometimes I just want to shy away from the nicest of people, frightened of having a beautiful connection, or maybe I’ve given too much of my love.. hmm.
There is some of the most precious connections going in my life and it’s beautiful and scary too. I’ve banged on about this for ages with my counsellor, or maybe I’ve just gone around the edges a little, yep it’s scary.. Still a little tweaking to do here and there, especially with boundary work. A tough one.. Maybe just CHILL THE HECK OUT , GO WITH THE FLOW AND RELAX.
Last Friday was explosive for me, I squeezed in a last minute counselling session in, well I booked in early in the week, knowing I’d struggle to make my way through the problem I had, nevertheless I managed it and I did have my “Gillian time” and it most definitely helped. As all my chats with my brilliant friends. Then I had my weekly or nearly always weekly meet with my mate Tom, a few beers , good chat, mainly about his military days, and oh yes Country music. Leaving there later on walking home I had the biggest emotional teary moment I’ve had in years. Gee I’ve wrote about it in past posts , so you can read it there. I’m not going to repeat myself 😂. Bedtime I think again at 4am. My eyes are tired again. And onwards to another BEAUTIFUL DAY.
Take care and be good,
love ya Ade .x
